Liu
- 2023
- experimental book, performance, interactivity
- Etymologically, to regret means to bewail the dead. In the course of my life, there are indeed moments from the past that are irreparable, irrevocable, dead in its tracks, filled with scars—moments where I felt so helpless that all I could do was to mourn. Even as I move forward, these bygone and deceased moments remain permanently sealed in an archive of my memories. Perhaps a memory, already sealed and soaked in complex emotions, is more eternal than reality itself. Over the past few months, I’ve gathered fragments of regrets, mostly from people I know and partially from anonymous contributors. When recalling their regrets, people extracted these long-buried slices from the archives of memory, reexamining them and resonating with sorrow once again.
- Most samples come from Chinese narratives. I brought up this topic in conversations with old and new friends, opening up myself to encourage their openness, and exchanging my own regrets to gain the right to listen to theirs. Sometimes they say, “Why did I say or think that way at that time? I can’t remember anymore.” Sometimes they no longer comprehend the decisions they made back then. Sometimes they say something and then immediately negate it, saying, “No, actually I didn’t think that way.” Recalling memory, oral communication, written records, and then translating across languages—the process adds layers and layers of filters to regrets, washing out their original looks. These regrets have been distorted by time, and details have become blurry, but the shadow of sorrow is still solidified in memory. It is recolored by the filter of memory and reorganized by the filter of narratives, magnifying and examining every detail in the listener’s mind, attempting to be understood, to be reanalyzed, and to be revealed at that moment.
- We do not live in a popular culture that celebrates regret. People feel shame and harm around past decisions and actively engage in the philosophy of “don’t look back”. Forward and onward may be the only “correct” choice. The emotion of regret is seen as a virus, tormenting the present, and seemingly useless in altering established facts. However, we do regret. We wonder about the choice not chosen, the path not taken, as if believing it could bring a turning point to the mistakes that have already occurred. Regret signifies a belief in opportunities for change, in the existence of ANOTHER path. In the midst of regret, when a person is not yet numb, the heart continues to feel, the flesh maintains the ability to experience pain. Only in such an organic environment can the virus of regret survive. If there is no more regret, sterile and harmless, that is the barren land where no hope can grow.